How To Awaken Your Sexual Energy After Having Kids

How To Awaken Your Sexual Energy After Having Kids

No surprises here, most of us aren’t prepared to navigate relationship changes after having kids.

We don’t know what’s ‘normal’ and what’s not. So, we adopt society’s expectations as ‘normal’ and think we should be like that too… like:
 
“Be ready for sex, get back to your pre-pregnancy weight, get back to work full-time…all by 6 weeks postpartum. But make sure you know that mothers can’t be sexually alive, and radiant humans either.”
 
And over time, those expectations and beliefs kill our desire for sex because it stresses us out and makes us feel inadequate and crazy.

Truth is, you’re not crazy, but that thinking is crazy!

The female body wasn’t designed to recover from childbirth in 6 weeks. Try 3 years.

And just because you’re a mama now doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t feel sexually alive, vibrant and radiant.

Most of us will, unfortunately, adopt the societal norm of mothers for ourselves that causes undue stress and tension that eventually leads to relationship dissatisfaction.

Simply because most of what we’ve been taught about being a mother doesn’t support healthy relationships or sex lives and most of it isn’t even true.

And it’s not like we’ve been given any tools or practices to help otherwise…

All this to say that…if you’re still reading this, you’re a gem and I’m so glad you’re here.

Because there’s a spark in you that says you’re not ok with mediocre, because there’s something in you that says you’re not ok with dimming your light just because you have kids.

If you’ve ever wondered, “How can I stop wanting to want it and just… want it?” Or, “Is it ok to feel so turned-on by my man when he helps out with the kids I can hardly control myself?”

The answer is YES! That is all ok here.

But if you’re the former, and you’re tired of feeling tired and you’re ready to start feeling like the sexy, alive, vibrant and radiant mama you know you can be, I’ve got 4 ways to awaken your sexual energy after having kids that will have you feeling like the goddess that you are very soon.

1) Make your pleasure a priority.

Making your pleasure a priority is a new concept for most of us women because we’ve been rewarded all our lives for putting our pleasure last.

Wherever you got your sexual education, it probably taught you all about men and their anatomy and pleasure centers and nothing about your own.

And somewhere along the lines this gave you the message that sex is for men’s gratification, not yours.

Well, our anatomy tells us a different story. Because it gave us women an organ that serves no other function than pleasure… something men don’t have.

Whether it’s making time to do these 3 self-love practices that will ignite your radiance, self-pleasuring, or having your partner give you a sensual massage with no other expectations…

You and your partner will need to make your pleasure a priority to awaken your sexual energy.

2) Understand that intimacy doesn’t have to involve intercourse.

In our sex-obsessed culture, we’ve forgotten the source of true intimacy. Fyi, it’s not just sex. Intimacy happens when we relate to each other in a certain way. So, you can totally have an intimate experience with someone without having sex.

Since couples, in general, miss the connection with each other more than sex after having kids; it’s important to shift the primary intimate connection of the relationship from sex to something else.

If sex happens, view it as a bonus intimate connection. But, don’t let it be the only source of intimacy.

Intimacy can be achieved by simply sitting across from each other, looking into each other’s eyes and breathing together. Or, sharing things you love about each other with one another.

Intimacy is really as simple as that. (Stay tuned for 3 intimacy-building practices for couples over the next 3 weeks…)

3) Drop the goal of orgasm

If you want to awaken your sexual energy and increase your desire, it’s super important for the both of you to not have a goal or agenda for any sexual encounter.

Instead of leading your time together with the goal of orgasm, take time to ignite all of your senses and surrender to the moment instead.

When sex happens with no goal of orgasm, it releases the brakes, which, in turn, accelerates your accelerator further increasing your desire.

For men, sex without orgasm is a hard one because they really care about pleasuring you. This is a good thing and a bad thing.

Good, because they really do care about your pleasure and bad because if you don’t orgasm, they often take it personally.

To make it easier and more pleasurable for the both of you, ensure him that you enjoy your time with him and find it pleasurable (if indeed that is true for your experience together) regardless of whether or not you have an orgasm.

So the more you practice surrendering to the moment and dropping any goal for your sexual encounters, the easier and more naturally your sexual energy will begin to awaken.

4) Focus on sensation

Instead of going for a goal, shift your focus during sex to the sensations happening in your body.

What are you feeling in the moment? What do you smell? What do you hear? What do you see? What do you taste?

It can help to ignite your senses by setting the space beforehand: light a scented candle, buy some chocolate covered strawberries to share together, really listen to the quality of your partner’s voice or put on some sensual music, use an essential oil infused massage oil, focus on your partner’s eyes…

When you focus on the sensations happening during your sexual encounters, it keeps your mind out of fantasy or a goal and keeps it in the present moment.

Once you practice focusing on sensations instead of fantasies or goals, you’ll find that you actually become more sensitive and turned-on.

Mama, your radiance that ignites as a result of awakening your sexual energy isn’t a luxury…it’s a necessity.

The world needs you alive. We need you radiant. We need you to shine your light.

Let me know in the comments section below which of the 4 tips stood out to you the most? I’d love to hear!

With so much love,

Lacey

Ignite Your Radiance as a New Mama With These 3 Self-Love Practices

Ignite Your Radiance as a New Mama With These 3 Self-Love Practices

When I birthed my preterm baby on all fours of the hospital labor and delivery room, I felt like a badass warrior goddess.

But after a 10-day NICU stay, sleep deprivation, sore nipples, and a couple life or death scares later, I lost it…

the pregnancy glow, the radiance, the connection to my body…it all disappeared like a thief in the night knowing good and well that I had to get back what was lost. Like, now!

But, what exactly was it? Where did it go? How could I get it back? At the time, I didn’t realize what “it” was.

After witnessing over 100 women have empowering births as a doula, I started to realize that “it” was: a woman’s radiance, her connection to her body, her power.

In the throws of caring for a newborn and toddler, getting divorced, moving across the country, navigating single-parenthood, and starting a brand-new job, I had lost the love and connection I had with my body while pregnant and birthing my babies…like so many other women.

With the intent to learn to connect with my glow and radiance again, I searched out teachers, healers, coaches, and mentors to help.

Soon, I started learning how to love myself and connect to my body until I started feeling radiant again.

For the time I wasted looking for my radiance outside of myself, I was saddened at the years lost searching for something that was within me all along.

You might want to go buy some clothes that fit, you might need a lunch date with your closest girl-friend for some “me-time”, you might want to put on your sexiest shade of lipstick and have a dance-party with your 1-year old, cause, let’s face it, doing all this is essential to keeping your sanity after the life transition of pregnancy and birth.

But if you’re ready to take things a step further and ignite your radiance and connection with your body after having a baby, here are 3 self-love practices for you to do as soon as you’re physically capable so you can feel like the goddess that you are every day:

1) Create a list of all the amazing ways your body worked for you and your baby to grow, support, and birth another human being in this world. Write them down and post them around your house.

No matter how your pregnancy and birth went, you grew a baby and birthed it. And because of that, you are a legend and a miracle. Give yourself some credit for it.

Too many women get caught up in negative body-image talk after having a baby.

Stretch marks galore, swollen breasts that give way to saggy ones, wrinkles and folds in new places, we’re all expected to get rid of all those in no-time instead of revel in and give gratitude for all the ways our body did us right.

Stop and give yourself the celebration it deserves. When you celebrate your body and all that it did for you and your baby instead of placing unrealistic expectations on yourself, you’re much more likely to experience optimal health and wellness.

2) Shower your body in love and gratitude by giving yourself a breast massage with your favorite oils.

For ages, women have been told to perform breast massage to gain awareness of any tissue changes that they may need to report to their health-care provider.

However, breast massage is such a potent way to increase self-love as well as relieve pain and discomfort from engorgement or PMS symptoms. It also helps to minimize stretchmarks, improve skin tone, prevent sagging, and improve shape.

Although you might be experiencing sore nipples and feeling “touched-out,” breast massage will offer a new experience to have you feeling less pain around the area outside of your areola and a greater sense of self-love.

To do breast massage, pour a generous amount of coconut or olive oil in your hands. I like to add 5-6 drops of my favorite essential oil to enhance the experience.

Rub your hands together until the oil is warm and slowly bring your hands to the outside of your breasts. Start massaging in a circular direction going down on the outside and up on the inside for 2-3 minutes. Then, reverse the direction and go do up on the outside and down on the inside for another 2-3 minutes.

Remember this is a self-love practice so be very gentle with yourself and massage to the degree of firmness that feels good to you.

When you are finished, wrap your arms around yourself a give yourself a big hug.

3) Dig out the hand-held mirror, take a good look at your postpartum vulva, tell her hello and that you love her every single day for 21 days.

Because it’s rarely talked about, you may have heard the myth that a vaginal birth will wreck your vulva. After all, there’s no way to see what a post-vaginal birth vulva looks like leaving many mamas struggling with the appearance after giving birth.

You may have experienced some tearing and swelling immediately after birth that may have scared or worried you that things would never go back to normal.

Your vagina is an amazing healing machine. You will heal and things will look normal down there again soon.

Instead of fretting, connect with your vulva every day and show her some love for what she’s done for you and your baby. Literally, give her 30 seconds every day for 21 days with a simple “hello beautiful. Thank you.” And watch your radiance ignite.

The world needs more mamas connecting to their body and inner radiance, and who truly love themselves. You are a unique individual with a light and message to share with the world. Ignite your radiance with these 3 self-love practices and share it.

With so much love,

Lacey

p.s. Afraid of what’s going to happen to your sex life after having kids? Set yourself up for optimum health and get my FREE handout on 6 Fail-proof Steps to Creating a Rocking Postpartum Sex Life now by entering your name and email anywhere on the website. Bonus: you’ll get access to exclusive content and discounts I only offer via email!

 

 

 

6 Keys to Reclaiming Your Power and Confidence in Birth

6 Keys to Reclaiming Your Power and Confidence in Birth

Has anyone ever rolled their eyes or looked at you funny when you told them you wanted a natural birth?

That’s because we’ve all been brainwashed.

If you’re like me, you’ve been told since you were a little girl that birth is painful and horrible and that you’re going to not only WANT the drugs, but also NEED them.

So, you do what everyone else does and let the doctor handle it.

Unless you’re hardheaded like me and decide from the get-go that it doesn’t have to be that way for you.

Good new is… it doesn’t.

Bad new is… you’re gonna have to put in some time and effort to learn what it takes to reverse the brainwashing and get confident.

If you want to get confident about having an empowering, ecstatic, natural birth, you need to watch the free masterclass I have for you here.

Cause in it, you’ll learn the 6 keys to reclaiming your power and confidence in birth.

Only when you know the “what” and “why”, can you practice the HOW to have the birth experience you’re really wanting.

Check it out here!

With so much love,

Lacey

p.s. Have you heard I’m hosting a postpartum event soon? If you’re in Lafayette, LA, check it out here

5 Sexy Facts to Improve Your Postpartum Sex Life

5 Sexy Facts to Improve Your Postpartum Sex Life

There are so many things in life we’re heavily schooled on. But, when it comes to our postpartum sex life, what we’ve been taught makes us feel like there’s something wrong with us.

And the little we do learn about our sexuality from parents, teachers, friends, and cousins is 90% about men anyway.

So what about the women, the mamas? What are you to make of your sexuality in a world that doesn’t teach you correct facts about it? Especially after having a baby…

For most of us, it’s doom and gloom because we absorb the cultural message which says that women should have spontaneous desire, orgasm from penetration, that we should get wet when we’re turned on, and that we should be totally up for sex by 6 weeks postpartum.

Lemme tell ya a lil somethin about this message – it’s ruining your postpartum sex life.

Phew, now that we’ve got that out the way, I want you to take everything you learned about what your postpartum sex life should be like and throw it out the window. Got it? Good. Go do it now.

To start on a clean slate is to learn the facts first then make what you want out of the rest.

Because, everything your culture taught you to believe about your sexuality is probably untrue.

And recognizing instead, that you’re actually normal and not broken is step one to having a rocking postpartum sex life. (To get notified of the next blog coming out on “How to Have a Rocking Postpartum Sex Life”, put in your name and email anywhere on the website or right here!!!)

In my overly church-going, your-body-is-sinful-and-you-should-be-ashamed-of-yourself-for-feeling-pleasure upbringing, I was secretly fascinated with understanding the science behind everything sensual and erotic because I’m a total science geek and a rebel.

So by the time I was in 7th grade, I opted out of taking sex-ed with my class so that I could read the text book instead and hopefully gain more insight than listening to pubescent teenagers snicker at the word “penis” and “vagina”.

I was very disappointed that the text book only taught me about my reproductive system and nothing about my sexuality.

So by the time I turned 31, I stepped up and took matters into my own hands and read and studied every book in the library on female sexuality and started a daily practice to heal myself of the guilt and shame I grew up with around it.

The result? I learned a TON and healed myself of all that.

I really couldn’t believe how under-educated we women are about our bodies and our sexuality. It’s not that the science isn’t there. I mean, yeah, science is ahead of understanding male sexuality over female, but if we women only knew the science that ALREADY exists, we would feel so much more confidence and joy within our bodies just knowing that we’re all normal!

So let’s clear up a few things and teach you 5 sexy facts about sex that are true and will help you have a better postpartum sex life just knowing about them. Sound good? Cool. Here we go:

1) Sex isn’t a drive, like hunger or thirst.

You’re not going to die if you don’t have sex. It’s an incentive motivation system instead.

Hunger and thirst push you to seek out what you need to not be hungry or thirsty. So when you hear “drive”, think “survive”.

Unlike hunger and thirst, sex pulls you to want it by sexy external stimuli. So really, sex as an “incentive motivation system” as opposed to a drive is a fancy word for “thrive.”

The idea that sex is a drive is important to end because it sends out the message to many women, especially postpartum women, that if sex is a hunger and you never get hungry, then there’s something wrong with you and you’re sick.

Which leads us to sexy fact #2 that shows us why sex as a drive isn’t true:

2) Only 15% of women want sex out of the blue. 30% want it only when something sexual and erotic is already happening. The rest of women experience a mix between this spontaneous and responsive desire depending on the context.

Wow. Did you get that? So basically, the cultural message we’ve been taught is that there’s something wrong with us, we’re not normal, and we’re sick if we don’t experience spontaneous desire (sex out of the blue) yet only 15% of women actually experience that kind of desire.

So guess what? You’re normal if you don’t spontaneously want sex! There’s nothing wrong with that. How you feel about you not wanting it is another thing. And there are ways to improve how you feel about it as well as ways to improve your desire for your partner but that’s the next blog. So, put in your name and email here or anywhere on the website to get notified when that comes out.

3) Orgasm isn’t a genital response and there’s only one type of orgasm.

“OMG, what did you just say?”

Yeah, I said that. Or rather, I didn’t say it, researchers did.

Most people think that orgasm is marked by pelvic floor contractions and that you can have different types of orgasms. But, technically speaking, neither is necessarily true.

According to the science, genital physiological markers of orgasm aren’t always predictive of a woman’s subjective experience of orgasm. So, it isn’t what happens in your genitals, it’s about what happens in your brain.

Which is why orgasm is so hard to explain, just like contractions in birth.

And secondly, orgasm is defined as a sudden release of sexual tension generated in different ways.

So, despite the cultural message that there are a bazillion different “kinds” of orgasms, they’re all the same thing but may feel different depending on where they’re generated.

And if we try to categorize orgasms by how they feel, there’d be a different category for every orgasm a woman has. (This one is new for me too!)

So stop being so hard on yourself if you don’t experience orgasm the way your friends do. Or if not at all. It’s all subjective anyway.

4) Only 30% of women reliably orgasm through penetration alone. 70% sometimes, rarely, or never orgasm from penetration alone.

The most common way for women to orgasm is from clitoral stimulation.

As Freud would have you think, you’re not less of a woman if you’ve never had an orgasm from penetration.

It doesn’t matter how it happens. And making orgasm the goal as opposed to pleasure is a sure-fire way to never have one.

5) Women are only 10% concordant – meaning, only 10% of the time are most women wet and turned on at the same time.

For men, there’s a 50% overlap between blood flow to his genitals and how turned on he feels.

For us women, we can be turned on and not wet and we can be wet and not turned on 90% of the time.

The best way for your partner to tell if you’re aroused and ready for sex is to listen to your words, not look at your genitals.

So, now that I’ve just squashed everything you thought you knew about sex , you’re probably going to start experiencing some resentment, maybe some anger, maybe some frustration over the next week.

I surely did.

Learning all of this had me super angry at a society and culture that only taught me what’s true for VERY FEW women regarding their sexuality.

Regardless, know that learning about your sexuality has a way of bringing up your shit as well as some deep rooted ancestral pain, so be gentle with yourself and know that you are normal, perfect, and whole just as you are right now.

I hope these 5 sexy facts help you to understand that you are normal. If you’re experiencing a postpartum lack of desire, know that you’re not alone and there are ways to get your grove back. I’m going to talk to you about that next week. Stay tuned!

*Most of the facts presented here are from the book, “Come As You Are” by Emily Nagoski. If this information was fascinating to you, do yourself and your partner a favor and pick up a copy and read it.

With so much love,

Lacey

p.s. Don’t forget to sign up with your name and email anywhere on the site to get “How to Have a Rocking Postpartum Sex Life” coming out soon!

An Empowering Yoga Practice for Loving Your Pregnant Body (7) of 8 techniques for OFP

An Empowering Yoga Practice for Loving Your Pregnant Body (7) of 8 techniques for OFP

Ever wonder what you can do every day to love, feel good, and build confidence in your pregnant body?

Well, today I’ve created a 15 minute empowering yoga practice for you that you can do every morning to help you do just that.

Not only will this practice make you feel amazing, but it will help you get out of your head and into your body as well as aid in getting your baby in the best possible position for birth.

Sound good? That’s because it is.

I know because I’ve been doing it myself every morning for the past few days and I feel like a freaking goddess.

If you do this practice regularly, it will help you embody the feeling of love, acceptance and trust in your body as opposed to just thinking about loving, accepting and trusting your body.

Yoga is as powerful a practice as you want it to be. Here’s how you can make it make a difference.

 

Discover the empowering yoga practice here

Give yourself 15 minutes of peace and quiet to follow along with me and then let me know in the comments section below how you feel.

With so much love,

Lacey

p.s. If you’re in Lafayette, I wanna make sure you know where you can attend prenatal yoga classes – The Yoga Garden at 2513 Johnston St. holds an on-going class on Thursday evenings at 5:45. I highly recommend. I’ve attended myself and I’m not even pregnant!

(6) of 8 techniques for optimal fetal positioning series – Homeopathy

(6) of 8 techniques for optimal fetal positioning series – Homeopathy

When people think of homeopathy, most equate it with herbalism. Not the same.

Homeopathy is a medicinal system that works off the principle of similars: “Through the like, disease is produced, and through the application of the like it is cured.” – Hippocrates

So basically, toxic plants, because of how they’re prepared, can cure the aliments that they cause. So yeah, homeopathy is plant-derived like herbalism, but how it works and is prepared is quite different – many herbs you can simply ingest, while homeopaths have to go through a preparation process where hardly any trace of the original plant is left.

The homeopathic principle of similars is even common in modern-day medicine.

Like, we know that radiation kills cancer even though it causes it too, and Ritalin calms down an ADHD child even though it’s an amphetamine-like drug that normally causes hyperactivity.

What many women don’t know, though, is how homeopathy is relevant in pregnancy and birth and how it can aid in optimal fetal positioning.

So today, I’m going to show you how homeopathy can reduce your chances of needing a c-section due to fetal malpositioning or malpresentation especially if your baby is breech. Check out the video here.

If you’re just tuning in to this 8-part series on optimal fetal positioning to avoid the need for a c-section (since 90% of c-sections are due to this), you can catch up with the videos here:

(1) rebozo

(2) chiropractic care

(3) maya abdominal massage

(4) acupuncture/moxibustion

(5) spinning babies techniques

And today, we’re talking about homeopathy.

Have you used homeopathy in your midwifery practice or know of a doula client that’s used it? Or are you a homeopath-using mama and used them in pregnancy or birth before? If so, I’d love to hear from you. Let me know your story of using homeopathy in pregnancy and birth in the comments below. Bonus if you’ve used it for optimal fetal positioning!

With so much love,

Lacey