A common question to those of you who’ve had a less than stellar past birth experience.
Do you live vicariously through other mama’s going for the natural, empowering birth that you want?
Do you try your best to inform other mama’s in ways that you weren’t?
Do you keep having babies until you get it?
Many of you have had to put on your big girl pants and suck it up, deal, and eventually accept your less than ideal birth experience simply because you were never taught how birth can be empowering even if it doesn’t go as planned.
But, if you want another baby, how do you find within yourself to let the past go and keep aiming for that natural, empowering, healing birth anyway without feeling that you’re going to self-sabatoge your experience?
Will you ever get it? Can you ever get it?
Today, I’m giving you my answer to that common question in the video here.
As I speak with many women about their birth experiences, I’m often asked the same questions from expecting mama’s.
Over the next few weeks, I’m tackling them one at a time by taking your questions specifically and giving you answers to the most common ones.
If you have a burning Q that you’d like an A to from an experienced doula who’s talked with hundreds of mama’s about their birth experiences, email me you question to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Please note that your name will remain completely anonymous if your question is chosen, and I’ll dedicate an entire vlog to answering it. Your questions help empower all of us so don’t be shy and ask anyway!
If you’re not already a part of the Empowered Birth Revolutionaries Email Tribe, you can sign up here to receive updates of new vlog and blog posts, and you’ll also receive many free goodies, video training series’, and free practical/useful .pdf’s that I only offer via email. Sign up here.
With all my love,
p.s. The Empowered Birth Online Class is kicking off soon and ready to roll! If you’re due between July and October 2016, NOW is the time to sign up! Many bonuses coming your way (think essential oils, chiropractic care, and vbac info galore!) Click here to check it out and register!
Week 2 of my 3 part series for overcoming the 3 common blockages to having an empowering birth experience is about how to transform birth fears.
For more reasons than I can list, women are afraid of birth.
To break it down, I’ll bet you fall into one of two categories:
1) You’re afraid of the pain
or 2) You’re afraid something will go wrong
Legit fears. Totally understand.
Whether we’ve experienced a loss, a trauma, or pain in the past, or the weight of social conditioning has shaped your beliefs, most of us are afraid of birth.
So what do we do?
Well, if you’re totally old-school, you could go the counseling/therapy route. And sometimes, this might be needed for extreme experiences of trauma and loss.
But, since I’m all about helping you reconnect with your own inner recourses, I’ll let you in on a method and practice that’s worked for me. And the best thing? It’s FREE! And, you can do it on your own time.
It’s called the “I Wonder” Game!
Have you ever been in a negative situation and couldn’t pull yourself out of your negative mindset? Or have you been so afraid to go “there” that you backed down and didn’t when you really wanted to?
Ok, so you know what I’m talking about.
Well, the same sort of stuff happens when we give birth. How you do one thing is a lot like how you do everything.
How you are living now is how you’ll give birth.
This game/method isn’t about facing your fears or even about getting over them. A lot of that is destination-driven. We’re interested in the journey.
So, instead of getting over and/or facing fears, we’re going to look at any fears we have around birth as something we can TRANSFORM.
When we transform birth fears instead of trying to get rid of them, it seems a lot easier and takes the load off. It also acknowledges the fact that our minds are truly a beautiful, well functioning resource, not something we must “overcome” or get in control of.
By playing the “I Wonder” game, we’re actually taking our fears and transforming them into empowering thoughts instead.
By having more empowering thoughts, we’re actually attracting empowering circumstances into our existence. So really, it’s not about getting over your birth fears, but about using them for your benefit.
The game works best if you write the questions and answers down. You can easily copy and paste them from here into a new document.
What you’ll notice when you start playing this game is that you’ll start to feel some space open up inside of you. This is the space you’ll need to create in order to call in a more positive thought or situation.
There’s 2 parts to the game. First, you need to determine if you’re willing to transform the fear. Sometimes, you’re not ready and that’s ok. After all, fears are simply a way that your nervous system created to keep you safe. To determine if you’re ready, ask yourself the following questions:
What is my greatest fear around my birth experience?
How has this fear affected my pregnancy and birth experience so far?
Have I benefited from this fear?
Am I ready for a different experience?
What sort of birth experience do I want to create?
What can I do now to change this?
You might be surprised to find how good it makes you feel to simply become aware of your fear and call it out. If you’re ready to move past it, you’re ready to start the “I Wonder” Game!
The second part is to start asking yourself these empowering “I Wonder” questions every time you catch your brain thinking about your fear.
Each time you catch yourself, ask the following questions:
I wonder who I would be if I could drop this fear.
I wonder what sort of experience I could have/receive if I could let this go.
I wonder how supported I would be if I could unhook from this fear.
I wonder what I could feel if I let go of this fear.
I wonder how my baby would be affected if I brought him/her into the world in joy instead of fear.
I wonder what sort of lasting impact my letting go of this fear could have for the good of all.
These “I wonder” questions are only a start. You can totally add more to this list. The game here is to simply catch every time you start thinking about your fear and instead of letting it get the best of you, start asking the “I Wonder” questions instead.
Go ahead and give it a try and let me know in the comments section below what you felt opening up for you.
Did you feel yourself opening to more possibilities?
Were you able to let go of the fear after asking the I Wonder questions?
Did you feel more empowered after asking the I Wonder questions?
Let us know below!
If this sort of practice intrigues you and you’re interested in more and going deeper, be sure to sign up for email updates here about my upcoming Empowered Birth Online Class. Plus, you’ll get a copy of my free ebook Bringing Back Empowered Birth: Reclaim Your Feminine Power in Childbirth. My gift to you for having the courage and heart to do what it takes to have an empowering birth experience.
With so much love,
p.s. To catch Week 1 of the 3-part series on overcoming the 3 common blockages to having an empowering birth experience, click here. All about how to feel like a birth goddess! To get notified for Week 3, sign up here.
Do you feel that one of these 3 common blockages may keep you from having an empowering birth experience?
I’ve found that many of the same blockages that have kept me from living a fulfilling, turned on life are the same common blockages that keep women from having empowering birth experiences.
Through my own personal development work in the areas of love, sex, money, relationships and life purpose, I’ve discovered so many healing modalities and gained so many tools to untangle my life into feeling joyful, on fire and even empowered myself.
You see, I was blessed with having my own empowering birth experiences without having to have been taught how. But, I had to hire teachers and coaches to teach me how to become empowered in every other area of my life.
The great thing about this is that everything I’ve been taught and learned is totally applicable to birth as well.
So, I’m going to be spilling everything in my upcoming empowered birth online class.
Since I’m not quite finished creating it, for the next 3 weeks, I’ll be releasing 1 detailed blog per week of this 3 part series on the 3 blockages to having an empowering birth experience.
So make sure you sign up for email updates by downloading my free ebook so you can stay tuned.
Throughout my years of helping women have empowering birth experiences, I’ve discovered a common thread for women who don’t seem to have them.
Usually, a birth experience that didn’t feel empowering happens for one of these 3 reasons:
1) She’s disconnected from her body
There’s a reason women have been giving birth in positions that don’t support them. In my own practice, I’ve found that it’s because women honestly don’t know what feels good or “right” to them.
And sadly, in the moment, I can’t help them. I can tell them to get in a certain position or to try this or that. But, tbh, I detest having to do that because no women should have to be told to get into a certain position when birthing her baby.
I mean, when you think about it, what animal would take advice from a sister animal on how to birth it’s babies? Yeah, like none.
So what’s up with this human phenomenon of not knowing what to do in the moment and asking for advice?
Well, I’ve found that it’s because women are completely disconnected to their bodies.
In the grand scheme of things, most women live day-to-day in complete unawareness of their pelvic/womb space and energy. It’s almost as if we’re living outside of our bodies instead of in them.
Unfortunately, this way of living and being in the world doesn’t help you when you’re birthing a baby.
But the good thing is, there’s a way to reconnect. In fact, there’s several.
I’m going to tell you about them next week. Sign up to be updated.
The second blockage to having an empowering birth experience is:
2) She hasn’t processed and integrated birth trauma and/or losses
Ya’ll this shit is real. I don’t care how privileged you think we may be in this country but when 1/3 of women report having a traumatic birth experience IN AMERICA, we have a serious problem.
Birth trauma happens when a women isn’t able to give birth on her terms.
It happens when she’s forced into a procedure that wasn’t necessary.
It happens when an inpatient medical provider that didn’t even ask or tell her cuts her perineum.
It happens when she’s told she can’t even attempt a vaginal delivery just because she had a previous c-section.
It happens when a medical provider sticks their hand up her vagina in the middle of a contraction without asking for her consent.
I could go on and on, but, I think you get the point.
Any event that a woman doesn’t consciously invite into her birth experience can be considered a birth trauma.
And birth losses?
Up to 20% of women with a known pregnancy experience a miscarriage. And plenty more experience a birth loss from prematurity or some other medical condition, or a stillbirth.
But do you hear anyone talking about this?
If a woman in this country losses a baby, she’s treated like she never became a mother.
She’s expected from employers and inconsiderate friends and family to get over it and carry on in far too short a time frame than it will actually take for her to process and integrate the loss.
Without the proper time and support, if and when she becomes pregnant again, it’s unlikely she will feel capable of experiencing an empowering birth.
Fortunately, there are things you can do to help clear the energy of a birth trauma and/or loss so that you don’t unconsciously carry any past experiences into your present pregnancy.
In 2 weeks I’ll be letting you in on a few healing practices and modalities for processing and integrating birth trauma and/or loss. Get updated here.
The 3rd blockage that keeps women from having an empowering birth experience is that often:
3) She’s not supported in her desires
This is by far the most common blockage that keeps women from having an empowering birth experience.
As a doula, accepting this truth is completely gut wrenching.
My own heartbreaks aside, a women might be interested in having a more “natural” birth experience.
However, “natural birth” means different things to different people.
Since our societal conditioning is so that having a healthy mom and baby is ALL that matters, women are often unsupported from the get-go when they state they want a “natural birth.”
Please spare me.
You see, we’re evolving from the 20th century model of birth to a 21st century model.
The old model says the doctors know best. All your instincts aside, let them tell you what to do and you’ll have a healthy mom and baby. That’s all that matters anyway.
The new model of birth gives a big shout out to modern medicine for saving mama’s and babies’ lives, but for the love of god, respects women as human beings in the process, doesn’t overuse or force the medicine and technology, and respects the sacredness of the birth event.
Yet a women who wants this more “natural” experience is considered selfish and told she’s not going to receive a trophy for having a natural birth.
Really? Because, I’m not aware of any women that gives a shit about getting a trophy or a high five or a pat on the back for having a natural birth.
It’s not a trophy she’s after. It’s respect, dignity and a sense of empowerment.
We’re not in survival mode of birth anymore.
We’ve figured out what we needed to get past survival mode… the sterile method, the c-section, and the blood transfusion.
Glad we have the medicine and technology. Now, let’s actually use it for our benefit without loosing any more of our feminine ground of the birth event.
And indeed, that’s what we’ve lost.
Enough of that.
It’s time for the next level of birth experiences.
It’s time to bring back empowered birth alongside modern medicine to respect both the sacredness and the mystery simultaneously.
Women can’t have empowering birth experiences when all we’re shooting for is survival mode.
But, unfortunately, nothing but survival mode is supported. Yet…
Be sure to sign up for email updates so you can be the first to know when I drop the next post of this 3 part series.
As a gift to you, I’ll also give you a copy of my new eBook, Bringing Back Empowered Birth: Reclaim Your Feminine Power in Childbirth.
In it you’ll learn 7 practical things you can do to have an empowering birth experience and so much more.
With so much love,