Why your kids need you radiant, vibrant, and…sensual

Why your kids need you radiant, vibrant, and…sensual

As a mother these days, it’s assumed that we’re depleted, turned-off, stressed-out, depressed, and anything but radiant.

Because we’re raised to believe that motherhood=martyrdom.

We have so few examples of what a radiant, alive, vibrant, and sensually embodied mother actually looks like.

Because, for the most part, all we see and know about mothers is that they’re over-worked, under paid, under slept, and unhappy with their relationships, careers, and lives in general.

What is up with that?

Why are we perpetuating a model of motherhood that assumes we are to give up our hopes, dreams, and pleasures (aka our radiance, vitality, and sensuality) in exchange for raising children?

A model that to ‘make it as a woman’ means that you have to disconnect from your emotions, hide your vulnerability, learn to be aggressive, completely separate work life from home life, and rely on logic, intellect, competition, striving and pushing to make it.

A model that worked in the 1950’s but does no longer.

It’s no wonder that we loose our radiance, our turn-on, our sexiness, our spark, and our aliveness after having kids when all we know is how to go through life the way that most of our male counterparts do.

The great news is, more mothers than ever are working from home, starting internet-based businesses and…succeeding (!!!) with newborn or toddler in tote.

But, the truth is…any radiant, alive, and vibrant mama that looks like she’s doing it all – isn’t. And that’s her secret.

Here’s the thing – you want more without having to do more because you’ve been doing more your entire life and you’re tired.

I get it.

That’s why I’m here to tell you that you weren’t meant to do it all. You weren’t designed to be the sole provider of love, support, and care-giving to your children.

Inherently, we are a tribal species that’s meant to utilize the love and support of other women in the tribe to make it through child-rearing while growing older gracefully.

Since we don’t live in tribal societies anymore, many of us have lost touch with what it means to share care-giving responsibilities and to maintain balance, harmony, and radiance in our lives.

What we don’t realize is that by perpetuating this unsustainable 1950’s model of motherhood, we’re denying ourselves self-care, self-pleasure, and in-turn our radiance, aliveness, and sensuality.

And we’re slowing dying inside disowning and even cutting off the part of us that keeps us alive and vibrant in the first place.

The thing is, your kids don’t need you to do more for them. They need you to be present with them, in a radiant, alive and vibrant way, not a stressed out, turned-off or emotionally unavailable way.

Your kids need you radiant, alive, and connected to your sensuality so you spare them the thinking that they too have to sacrifice their health, their vitality, and their radiance if they choose to be mothers too.

They need you to be an example of what true radiance is.

Radiance isn’t about outward beauty.

It’s an ageless beauty that comes from within you. It’s a light that can’t be turned off or even dimmed with the accumulation of years, it’s what keeps you alive and vibrant and connected to your sensuality well into your 80’s or even 90’s….

Your kids need you more inwardly radiant, more self-loving and accepting of others.

Not outwardly beautiful.

Guess what, that boob job or botox treatment you’re thinking about getting won’t do the trick. Because that’s not radiance.

Your kids need you radiating and connecting to the light within you, the part of you that’s ageless, the part of you that consults your inner wisdom and follows your gut, the part of you that doesn’t settle and that lives a balanced, harmonious, and well-lived life.

What’s getting in the way of you connecting with this part of yourself? Do you not allow time for yourself? Do you put yourself and your own needs last while you care for the kids day-in and day-out while your husband goes to work everyday? Are you denying yourself self-care and pleasure?

You don’t have to loose yourself to motherhood anymore like the women who came before us did just to ‘make it as a women’.

There’s another way, a new model, a new paradigm and it starts with you saying “Yes, I want THAT!”

If you need some support finding your way and navigating real-life circumstantial changes that will support you waking up to your own radiance, be sure to sign up for my newsletter by typing in your name and email anywhere on the website to be the first to know when I start offering one-on-one coaching packages. Coming soon!

With so much love,

Lacey

 

 

 

 

How to feel more normal down there: For when the doc didn’t help…

How to feel more normal down there: For when the doc didn’t help…

Since having kids, has sex felt numb, disconnected, or even painful for you? Did you have a traumatic or painful birth experience that you feel is affecting your sex life?

If so, you’re so not alone.

Many mama’s are completely unconscious of numbness, disconnection or sexual pain…

While others are conscious but are sucking it up because they have no one to talk to about it.

There are so few resources to help a women restore her sexual functioning after birth…

And even if you aren’t one of the 33% of women that experiences birth trauma,

you might very well be a victim of sexual abuse or you might have grown up with a lot of religious guilt and shame around your sexuality.

If any of these apply, you’re probably walking around with a very tense, stressed out, or even traumatized vagina.

Because, the vagina holds onto tension, stress, and trauma like a sponge does to water.

What many people don’t realize is that the postpartum period has a way of stirring up the pot and bringing up unhealed parts of us to the surface.

The point is to look at them, do something about them, and ultimately, become better mothers.

Divine design, if you ask me…

So, where do you turn for help?

First off, if you’re experiencing pain, it’s important to rule out any medical conditions you might not be aware of first with your doc.

If something is medically wrong, your doc should be able to help you or at least refer you to a pelvic floor physical therapist.

And, let me tell ya, they are amazing!

If you see one, you can expect an expert evaluation and for them to provide practices and exercises tailored specifically for your healing.

If you’ve experienced birth trauma of some sort, your doctor will probably refer you to a therapist.

But, there are very few therapists that have any experience with birth trauma and no one is going to refer you to anyone to deal with your religious guilt and shame around your sexuality.

And while many women who seek treatment from a therapist experience great results, others find talk therapy very inadequate because it only works on the level of the mind, not the body where the tension, stress, and trauma are stored.

Because to heal pain that’s sourced from tension, stress, and trauma, you have to heal the place where it’s stored (the body) too…

which is why yoga is such a big deal these days.

So, for the mama’s who find your doctor’s advice to “do kegels” or “use extra lube” very inadequate,

Because there’s nothing medically wrong with you and the therapy didn’t help…

What if I told you that there was a way to heal yourself from emotional trauma, tension, numbness, and pain with the touch of your trusting and caring partners’ hand?

In that case, today I want to tell you about an amazing practice that can have you feeling better than normal down there if the doctor or therapist didn’t help.

Having had the good fortune to study and learn about healing traditions from around the world…

One healing practice that can help you feel better than normal down there is called yoni massage, or pussy massage if you’re not familiar with the Sanskrit term “yoni.”

Yoni (pronounced yo-nee) simply means “source of life” or “sacred space.”

Yoni massage is intimate and sensual (not sexual) and works on the physical, emotional and mental levels to transform how you feel about yourself and your sexual well-being.

The great thing about this practice is that even though it’s super old and comes from the tantric tradition…

when taught in context for restoring postpartum sexual health and releasing tension, stress, and trauma in the vagina, the practice is totally relevant, adequate, and effective regardless of your spiritual or religious background.

Because yoni massage is a dedicated healing practice, if you’ve experienced a traumatic birth, sexual abuse, or religious guilt and shame, often, yoni massage will help you release sexual blockages and any association of your sexuality with the trauma.

But, it requires the good intention, presence, and communication of a willing and able giver (your partner), and trust, surrender, and detachment from any outcome from you, the receiver.

The practice starts with preparation of creating a romantic and sensual environment and inviting healing energies into the room.

Once you have done this you will start breathing together and eye gazing to connect the two of you at the heart level,

Then the giver will awaken your senses, and finally, massage around the vulva, inside the vagina and around the cervix.

This is a very vulnerable practice.

But, done with the trust of a skilled partner holding you and giving you space and time to release tension and trauma stored in your pelvis (just like when you receive a neck and shoulder massage but way deeper),

the more you do this practice, the more tension and emotional trauma will release allowing you to feel less numb and normal again.

In fact, you’ll probably feel better than normal…

If you’re interested in learning with your partner how to do yoni massage to release tension, stress, numbness, or trauma so you can feel normal again down there, I’ve got w-a-y more for you.

Simply email me at lacey@laceybroussard.com and we’ll talk about how I can support you in that. (no worries, your privacy is totally protected when you email me).

With so much love,

Lacey

Deepen your relationship with this simple intimacy practice for couples

Deepen your relationship with this simple intimacy practice for couples

Two-thirds of couples report a decline in relationship satisfaction within 3 years of having a baby.

It’s not because of the baby, of course, but because couples often don’t know how to keep the intimacy and connection alive with the baby too.

I don’t blame them.

Our society expects couples to be happy after having a baby but gives them no tools or practices to support and withstand the ebb and flow of life transitions.

And it also puts a harsh distinction on what desires are ‘right and wrong’ to have, how sexy mothers can or can’t be, how often is often enough to have sex, etc…

So a sexuality that isn’t perceived as ‘acceptable’ or ‘normal’ gets shoved down and isn’t shared or expressed within the relationship…along with desire.

And all this does is drive us further from each other seeking satisfaction and fulfillment from external sources.

Hello shopping, porn, cheating, alcohol and other various forms of addiction…

All because we cut off parts of ourselves that we don’t want to share because…shame & guilt.

But it’s within loving these parts of us and sharing them that the shame and guilt dissolve and transform back into the love.

And that process of opening up and sharing is where most of us get blocked and the relationship starts going downhill.

So, whether you have an infant, baby, toddler, teenager, or young adult, this intimacy practice is for those of you couples that either

1) just had a baby and want to keep the intimacy alive even though you’re not ready for sex

2) aren’t intimately satisfied with sex alone

3) haven’t had sex in a while and you don’t know how to break the ice or

4) you simply want to deepen your relationship with your partner.

Whatever degree of intimacy you experience in your relationship, the following practice is sure to break the ice and help the two of you open up, deepen, and come back to love:

The practice is called “Fears, loves & desires”

This is a verbal sharing practice that’s super simple when you get the hang of it. It allows you to let your partner know what’s really going on inside of you without the need to discuss or fix anything. It’s also great for teaching each other how to ‘hold space’ for one another.

The best thing about this practice is that it takes away the power struggle, sets aside the hurt feelings and creates a safe container to truly listen, be present with each other and connect instead of taking everything personally.

By creating a safe container to share honestly with each other without feeling like you’ll be blamed, he’ll get upset and try to fix everything, you’ll be practicing how to sit with each others’ emotions and feelings no matter what they are instead of feeling constantly judged as ‘right or wrong’ for feeling what you’re feeling.

To do the practice, one of you will ask the question and the other will answer and then you’ll switch, going until you’ve completed the 3 questions.

If you’re the one asking the questions, it’s super important and vital to not reply, comment, offer a suggestion, or argue about anything the person answering the questions is saying.

It’s only vital that you stay present with what the person answering is saying, hold space for them and listen. The best way to do this is to set a timer for 2 minutes for each question that’s asked to the partner.

If there’s a pause from the person answering, the person asking the question says, “Thank you” and asks the question again.

Start with the man asking you the question, “What do you really want?” When a natural pause happens, the man says, “Thank you” and asks “What do you really want?” again, giving you time to respond until the 2 minutes is up.

When your time for answering the question is up, you ask the man the question, “What do you really want?” repeating after a natural pause, “Thank you. What do you really want?” until his 2 minutes are up.

The most important thing to remember is to not change the question and to not have a conversation. Doing so breaks the safe container of the practice so be sure not engage in any dialog.

The next question to ask is, “What are you afraid of?” Repeating the same process as above.

Once the two of you have asked the question, “What are you afraid of?” and given each partner 2 minutes to answer each, the last question to ask is:

“What do you love about me?”

After you’ve completed the practice, you’ll most likely feel super connected to each other in a way that you might not have ever been before.

The more honest and uncensored you are in your answers, the more potent this intimacy building practice will be in connecting the two of you.

So, go share this with your partner now, get out the timer, start the practice, and tell me how it goes!

If you’ve got questions about how to initiate the practice or have additional questions about how to perform the practice, I’d love if you emailed me personally at lacey@laceybroussard.com so I can further support you in that.

Also, be sure to sign up with your name and email anywhere on the website to get tons of other sex, love and relationship goodness delivered right to your inbox.

With so much love,

Lacey

p.s. With the turn of the new year, I’m super excited to announce that I am currently training with The Institute of Integrated Sexuality to become a certified sex, love and relationship coach. If this sort of content lights you up, be sure to sign up for my email list to get notified when private coaching packages will be available and to get other juicy content delivered straight to your inbox NOW!

How To Awaken Your Sexual Energy After Having Kids

How To Awaken Your Sexual Energy After Having Kids

No surprises here, most of us aren’t prepared to navigate relationship changes after having kids.

We don’t know what’s ‘normal’ and what’s not. So, we adopt society’s expectations as ‘normal’ and think we should be like that too… like:
 
“Be ready for sex, get back to your pre-pregnancy weight, get back to work full-time…all by 6 weeks postpartum. But make sure you know that mothers can’t be sexually alive, and radiant humans either.”
 
And over time, those expectations and beliefs kill our desire for sex because it stresses us out and makes us feel inadequate and crazy.

Truth is, you’re not crazy, but that thinking is crazy!

The female body wasn’t designed to recover from childbirth in 6 weeks. Try 3 years.

And just because you’re a mama now doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t feel sexually alive, vibrant and radiant.

Most of us will, unfortunately, adopt the societal norm of mothers for ourselves that causes undue stress and tension that eventually leads to relationship dissatisfaction.

Simply because most of what we’ve been taught about being a mother doesn’t support healthy relationships or sex lives and most of it isn’t even true.

And it’s not like we’ve been given any tools or practices to help otherwise…

All this to say that…if you’re still reading this, you’re a gem and I’m so glad you’re here.

Because there’s a spark in you that says you’re not ok with mediocre, because there’s something in you that says you’re not ok with dimming your light just because you have kids.

If you’ve ever wondered, “How can I stop wanting to want it and just… want it?” Or, “Is it ok to feel so turned-on by my man when he helps out with the kids I can hardly control myself?”

The answer is YES! That is all ok here.

But if you’re the former, and you’re tired of feeling tired and you’re ready to start feeling like the sexy, alive, vibrant and radiant mama you know you can be, I’ve got 4 ways to awaken your sexual energy after having kids that will have you feeling like the goddess that you are very soon.

1) Make your pleasure a priority.

Making your pleasure a priority is a new concept for most of us women because we’ve been rewarded all our lives for putting our pleasure last.

Wherever you got your sexual education, it probably taught you all about men and their anatomy and pleasure centers and nothing about your own.

And somewhere along the lines this gave you the message that sex is for men’s gratification, not yours.

Well, our anatomy tells us a different story. Because it gave us women an organ that serves no other function than pleasure… something men don’t have.

Whether it’s making time to do these 3 self-love practices that will ignite your radiance, self-pleasuring, or having your partner give you a sensual massage with no other expectations…

You and your partner will need to make your pleasure a priority to awaken your sexual energy.

2) Understand that intimacy doesn’t have to involve intercourse.

In our sex-obsessed culture, we’ve forgotten the source of true intimacy. Fyi, it’s not just sex. Intimacy happens when we relate to each other in a certain way. So, you can totally have an intimate experience with someone without having sex.

Since couples, in general, miss the connection with each other more than sex after having kids; it’s important to shift the primary intimate connection of the relationship from sex to something else.

If sex happens, view it as a bonus intimate connection. But, don’t let it be the only source of intimacy.

Intimacy can be achieved by simply sitting across from each other, looking into each other’s eyes and breathing together. Or, sharing things you love about each other with one another.

Intimacy is really as simple as that. (Stay tuned for 3 intimacy-building practices for couples over the next 3 weeks…)

3) Drop the goal of orgasm

If you want to awaken your sexual energy and increase your desire, it’s super important for the both of you to not have a goal or agenda for any sexual encounter.

Instead of leading your time together with the goal of orgasm, take time to ignite all of your senses and surrender to the moment instead.

When sex happens with no goal of orgasm, it releases the brakes, which, in turn, accelerates your accelerator further increasing your desire.

For men, sex without orgasm is a hard one because they really care about pleasuring you. This is a good thing and a bad thing.

Good, because they really do care about your pleasure and bad because if you don’t orgasm, they often take it personally.

To make it easier and more pleasurable for the both of you, ensure him that you enjoy your time with him and find it pleasurable (if indeed that is true for your experience together) regardless of whether or not you have an orgasm.

So the more you practice surrendering to the moment and dropping any goal for your sexual encounters, the easier and more naturally your sexual energy will begin to awaken.

4) Focus on sensation

Instead of going for a goal, shift your focus during sex to the sensations happening in your body.

What are you feeling in the moment? What do you smell? What do you hear? What do you see? What do you taste?

It can help to ignite your senses by setting the space beforehand: light a scented candle, buy some chocolate covered strawberries to share together, really listen to the quality of your partner’s voice or put on some sensual music, use an essential oil infused massage oil, focus on your partner’s eyes…

When you focus on the sensations happening during your sexual encounters, it keeps your mind out of fantasy or a goal and keeps it in the present moment.

Once you practice focusing on sensations instead of fantasies or goals, you’ll find that you actually become more sensitive and turned-on.

Mama, your radiance that ignites as a result of awakening your sexual energy isn’t a luxury…it’s a necessity.

The world needs you alive. We need you radiant. We need you to shine your light.

Let me know in the comments section below which of the 4 tips stood out to you the most? I’d love to hear!

With so much love,

Lacey

Ignite Your Radiance as a New Mama With These 3 Self-Love Practices

Ignite Your Radiance as a New Mama With These 3 Self-Love Practices

When I birthed my preterm baby on all fours of the hospital labor and delivery room, I felt like a badass warrior goddess.

But after a 10-day NICU stay, sleep deprivation, sore nipples, and a couple life or death scares later, I lost it…

the pregnancy glow, the radiance, the connection to my body…it all disappeared like a thief in the night knowing good and well that I had to get back what was lost. Like, now!

But, what exactly was it? Where did it go? How could I get it back? At the time, I didn’t realize what “it” was.

After witnessing over 100 women have empowering births as a doula, I started to realize that “it” was: a woman’s radiance, her connection to her body, her power.

In the throws of caring for a newborn and toddler, getting divorced, moving across the country, navigating single-parenthood, and starting a brand-new job, I had lost the love and connection I had with my body while pregnant and birthing my babies…like so many other women.

With the intent to learn to connect with my glow and radiance again, I searched out teachers, healers, coaches, and mentors to help.

Soon, I started learning how to love myself and connect to my body until I started feeling radiant again.

For the time I wasted looking for my radiance outside of myself, I was saddened at the years lost searching for something that was within me all along.

You might want to go buy some clothes that fit, you might need a lunch date with your closest girl-friend for some “me-time”, you might want to put on your sexiest shade of lipstick and have a dance-party with your 1-year old, cause, let’s face it, doing all this is essential to keeping your sanity after the life transition of pregnancy and birth.

But if you’re ready to take things a step further and ignite your radiance and connection with your body after having a baby, here are 3 self-love practices for you to do as soon as you’re physically capable so you can feel like the goddess that you are every day:

1) Create a list of all the amazing ways your body worked for you and your baby to grow, support, and birth another human being in this world. Write them down and post them around your house.

No matter how your pregnancy and birth went, you grew a baby and birthed it. And because of that, you are a legend and a miracle. Give yourself some credit for it.

Too many women get caught up in negative body-image talk after having a baby.

Stretch marks galore, swollen breasts that give way to saggy ones, wrinkles and folds in new places, we’re all expected to get rid of all those in no-time instead of revel in and give gratitude for all the ways our body did us right.

Stop and give yourself the celebration it deserves. When you celebrate your body and all that it did for you and your baby instead of placing unrealistic expectations on yourself, you’re much more likely to experience optimal health and wellness.

2) Shower your body in love and gratitude by giving yourself a breast massage with your favorite oils.

For ages, women have been told to perform breast massage to gain awareness of any tissue changes that they may need to report to their health-care provider.

However, breast massage is such a potent way to increase self-love as well as relieve pain and discomfort from engorgement or PMS symptoms. It also helps to minimize stretchmarks, improve skin tone, prevent sagging, and improve shape.

Although you might be experiencing sore nipples and feeling “touched-out,” breast massage will offer a new experience to have you feeling less pain around the area outside of your areola and a greater sense of self-love.

To do breast massage, pour a generous amount of coconut or olive oil in your hands. I like to add 5-6 drops of my favorite essential oil to enhance the experience.

Rub your hands together until the oil is warm and slowly bring your hands to the outside of your breasts. Start massaging in a circular direction going down on the outside and up on the inside for 2-3 minutes. Then, reverse the direction and go do up on the outside and down on the inside for another 2-3 minutes.

Remember this is a self-love practice so be very gentle with yourself and massage to the degree of firmness that feels good to you.

When you are finished, wrap your arms around yourself a give yourself a big hug.

3) Dig out the hand-held mirror, take a good look at your postpartum vulva, tell her hello and that you love her every single day for 21 days.

Because it’s rarely talked about, you may have heard the myth that a vaginal birth will wreck your vulva. After all, there’s no way to see what a post-vaginal birth vulva looks like leaving many mamas struggling with the appearance after giving birth.

You may have experienced some tearing and swelling immediately after birth that may have scared or worried you that things would never go back to normal.

Your vagina is an amazing healing machine. You will heal and things will look normal down there again soon.

Instead of fretting, connect with your vulva every day and show her some love for what she’s done for you and your baby. Literally, give her 30 seconds every day for 21 days with a simple “hello beautiful. Thank you.” And watch your radiance ignite.

The world needs more mamas connecting to their body and inner radiance, and who truly love themselves. You are a unique individual with a light and message to share with the world. Ignite your radiance with these 3 self-love practices and share it.

With so much love,

Lacey

p.s. Afraid of what’s going to happen to your sex life after having kids? Set yourself up for optimum health and get my FREE handout on 6 Fail-proof Steps to Creating a Rocking Postpartum Sex Life now by entering your name and email anywhere on the website. Bonus: you’ll get access to exclusive content and discounts I only offer via email!