Are You Obsessed With Your Due Date? Take the Quiz to Find Out.

Are You Obsessed With Your Due Date? Take the Quiz to Find Out.

I’ll bet the first thing you want to know when you go to your first doctor visit is your due date…if you haven’t already googled it.

And it’s definetly the first thing your friends and family want to know when you tell them the news.

It’s even the first question I want answered when someone tells me they’re interested in hiring me as their doula.

Most of us are obsessed with due dates.

And I can say ‘obsessed’ in all accuracy because most OB’s and the patients they care for are a bit more than willing to schedule an induction or c-section ON THEIR DUE DATE than they probably should be.

It’s kinda scary so many people do this, really – considering how “off” some people’s due dates have been found to be.

So with all the obsession and controversy, I know it’d be nice to have some of your fears around ‘due dates’ alleviated since everyone makes such a huge deal out of them.

Before I can help you though, let’s find out just HOW obsessed you really are with due dates yourself.

Answer yes or no to the following questions and tally up your “Yes’s”:

1) When someone asks you when you’re due, do you tell them the exact date – day and month?

2) When your friend or family member turns up pregnant, is your first question “So when are you due?” Add another point if you EXPECT them to tell you a month AND day?

3) If you have a friend or family member that never reveals an exact date, just a month timeframe, per se, does it totally irritate you?

4) Have you spent more than 10 minutes trying to figure out an exact due date on online due date calculators?

5) Have you changed your due date more than once?

6) Do you know the date of your Last Menstrual Period?

7) Do you worry about going “overdue”?

If you answered YES to 5 or more of these questions, you’re totally obsessed with your due date – probably just like everyone else who took this quiz.

No worries though. I’m gonna help you get over this obsession by alleviating some fears around due dates based on really bad science.

Let me make it clear: a due date can only EVER BE an estimated guess date because there are so many factors that should be taken into account that aren’t such as cycle length, when you ovulate, the day you conceived, if you’re a first-time mama or not, race, age, etc...

Turns out, there are several ways to calculate due dates:

  1. Doctors use Naegele’s Rule to give you a due date. It’s calculated by taking the date of your last menstrual period, adding one year, subtracting 3 months and then adding 7 days to that. Sound like accurate science to you? Hmmm….

It doesn’t even account for your unique cycle length or the fact that you might not ovulate on the date that Naegele’s rule assumes (day 14 of your cycle, btw).

  1. Then there’s the Mittendorf-Williams Rule that takes into account more factors like number of previous births, age and race. It also says that the average gestation for a first-time mama is actually 41 weeks and 1 day, and for a multipara mama, 40 weeks and 3 days. But this method is hardly ever used.
  1. And to add to the mix of calculating due dates, now there are ultrasound dates that you can go by that get more and more inaccurate as your pregnancy goes on leaving you to wonder if they were ever accurate in the first place.

Even if you’re the most loyal cycle tracker, you can never REALLY know your due date since there’s still debate on the average gestation time and how to calculate it in the first place…it’s all simply an estimate and that’s all it ever needs to be.

We’re obsessed with due dates because the human mind seeks for something to count on and plan on. Once it gets a date in mind, it can relax. But does it really help you relax when you go a day past your due date, or a week, or even two? Probably not.

Here’s an idea: instead of giving your mind a due date to fixate on, give it a guess time frame instead.

So instead of your baby being due April 29th, tell yourself and everyone else that you’re guessing your baby will be here towards the end of April or early May.

Or, instead of June 20 (the first day of Summer), tell yourself and everyone else that you’re guessing your baby will be here at the beginning of Summer.

And for goddess’ sake, quite perpetuating the obsession by asking your family and friends their due date! [Guilty as charged] You can ask for a guess time frame instead.

Every pregnancy is unique and the best thing you can do is to cut yourself some slack as opposed to creating rigid barriers and timelines.

Gestating a baby isn’t like paying your credit card bill. You’re not going to get a big-ole fine for not having your baby on a particular day.

This thinking is outdated and over masculinized. Having a baby isn’t about production… or else.

It’s about recognizing that birth is fluid, highly varying, and unpredictable. It’s feminine energy to the max. Not fixed, rigid, structured.

If you want to get over your due date obsession, take your ‘due date’ and throw it out the window. It was only ever a guess anyway – bad science to the max.

With so much love,

Lacey

Use This 3 Step Process to Take Back Your Birth Options and Choices

Use This 3 Step Process to Take Back Your Birth Options and Choices

Not having a choice… It’s by far one of the most excruciating feelings ever. Like for real. It’s like your freedom being taken away only for disappointment to take its place… Ouch!

I’ve felt that way multiple times in my life from simple shit like buying that PERFECT dress and they’re all out of your size, to purchasing your dream house and it gets bought up right underneath you, all the way to choosing to love who you want to love and then they disappear.

So much of our experience is determined by the options available to us. So what do we do when what we want is no longer an option?

I often hear women say they feel powerless in birth because someone told them they don’t have a choice or that they have no other options. Here are some of the scenarios they give…

I have a breech baby.

I have twins.

They’ll only “let me” do a c-section.

Or, I have pre-eclampsia.

I have high blood pressure.

I have gestational diabetes.

They’re “making me” get induced.

Well, I’m here to tell you that, first of all, no one can “make you” do anything one way or the other in your birth so you ALWAYS have the option of not doing what’s suggested which means you ALWAYS have a choice.

There are options and then there are choices and when it comes to birth or anything in life in general, it’s super important to learn the difference between the 2 and how they relate.

So here it is:

An option is a noun and means all the possibilities available to you.

To choose is a verb. And it means to pick out from the possibilities available to you.

So as long as you have an option of doing something or doing nothing, you have a choice too.

The ugly thing is (and a common reason women get upset and disappointed with their birth experience) is because they have a problem with the options available to them. If what they really want is no longer available, they get bummed because they just don’t like the options that are left if they feel they have any at all.

So how do you make an empowering choice for your birth when you don’t like your available options?

1) Write down a list of ALL your options no matter how ridiculous, insane, or absurd they sound. This is a no-excuses, no holds barred game so get rid of the “I don’t have the time”, “I don’t have the money”, “I don’t have the guts for that” and lay it all out unfiltered.

Let go of judgment and just write as fast as you can every option you can possibly think of without filtering through the “but that’s crazy, I could never do that” filter. When you don’t filter your answers, you’re more likely to find a nugget-o-gold in there somewhere.

2) For each option available, ask yourself the following questions:

B – What are the benefits of this option?

R – What are the risks of this option?

A – Are there any alternatives to this option?

I – What does your intuition tell you about this option?

N – What happens if you do nothing and revisit the matter later?

3) Make a choice based on facts, not emotions.

When you base your choice on facts and not emotions, you open up yourself to empowerment. And that’s what empowered birth is about…letting go of a specific who, what, when, where, why, how and focusing instead on how you want to feel through it.

Do you want to feel supported, loved, cared for like a queen or goddess, empowered, or healed through your birth experience? Or do you want it to happen a certain way?

When you let go of the certain way and focus on how you want to feel through it, you let go of attachment to an outcome and allow birth to happen for you not to you.

Using the B.R.A.I.N. acronym is a process of inquiry that I give my clients for those tricky births where unplanned and/or unexpected events happen because it helps you see that you really do have options even if what you really want is no longer available.

This process of inquiry helps you let go of the “how things are supposed to happen” and move forward in an empowering way regardless.

Have you been in a situation where you where told that you don’t have a choice as to how to birth your baby and you chose something different anyway? How did you come to the decision to go against the grain and take back your options and choose differently instead? Let us know in the comments below.

With so much love,

 

Lacey