Your family, your friends, your partner, your caregivers: Do they support your decisions and desires for your birth?
Totally one of the most asked questions and biggest concerns I hear about. “I really want my mom their but she’s not very supportive. What if my partner or caregiver doesn’t support my decisions?”…
If you’ve been worried about whether or not your family, friends, partner or caregiver will support you in your desires for your pregnancy and birth, welcome to the club!
This is one of the 3 common blockages to having an empowered birth. To read about all three, click here.
When you don’t feel supported, nothing seems to go your way.
What’s amazing though, is that getting past feeling not supported is super simple.
To be supported means to take a stand for what you want and invoke the support into your life by having fun asking for what you want.
This is where a lot of mama’s get stuck and end up NOT having an empowering birth experience.
To call in the support you really crave from your family, friends, caregiver, and partner, follow these 3 simple steps:
1) Get clear about what you want.
This whole pregnancy thing and learning about labor and birth might be new for you so you’re learning as you’re going.
This can make it hard to make any clear, firm decisions about what you want until later in your pregnancy. And then many mama’s get trapped into thinking that it’s too late to change plans. (It’s not, but regardless…).
As pregnancy goes on, you learn more and may realize that you want something different. Changing course midway can make it difficult for skeptical family, friends and partners to go along with anything that isn’t the norm. (Hello natural birth or home birth?!)
Getting clear on what you want and taking a stand for it is the single most important step you can take to fostering a support system that’s on your side.
As Mama Gena teaches, one of the greatest forms of womanly art is whetting your own appetite. That means being able to identify your desires and ask for what you want.
Which leads us to…
2) Ask for what you want
This sounds so simple, but we woman have been conditioned to disregard our desires as too big, or we feel unworthy and ignore them as not for us. So, we sabotage our own desires before we even ask for them.
Well, you’re gonna have to choose to not believe in that anymore if you want to win over the support of family, friends, caregivers and your partner.
You’re going to need to muster up the courage to ask.
That becomes easier the more you realize that this is your body, your baby, your pregnancy, not anyone else’. It’s your rite to only allow people you fully trust to have anything to do with it.
Getting clear about who you trust to support you on your journey through pregnancy and childbirth is as simple as standing up for yourself and taking action to find caregivers who hold the same values as you.
The only way to find them is to ask.
When you’re clear about what you want, you’re going to need to ask potential or current caregivers, family members, friends, and even your partner if they’re cool with it.
If not, the game’s not over until you’ve tried #3…
3) Have fun
One way to invoke the support of skeptical family, friends, partners and caregivers rather than provoke them into supporting you is to practice another one of the womanly arts of enjoying yourself no matter what.
As a woman, you have way more power than you think. When you start practicing getting clear about your desires and taking a stand for them by asking for what you want, you’ll be presently surprised about how positively people respond to you – especially men.
If you run into resistance, this doesn’t mean you stop there and give up. NO!!! It’s actually a sign that you need to start HAVING MORE FUN with your desire.
Dare I say…FLIRT with it!
Connect with the gorgeous, fun-loving, brilliant feminine essence of you that says, “You know what, this might seem to suck, but I’m not giving up. I’ll have fun with it instead and look at it as an experiment.”
When you trust that your desires are an asset that point you in the direction you are to go in life, you can rest assured that the support will come when you dare to follow and have fun with them.
The more you can relax into having fun with your desires and asking for what you want, the less you hold a grip of death on them.
How many of your desires have ever been fulfilled by choke holding them into existence?
Yeah, probably none because that is not the truth of your feminine nature and how creating your reality works.
The more fun you have with your desires and asking for them, the easier it will be to call in your support system.
What other areas of your life have you been able to call in the support of a skeptical partner, friend or family member by having fun with your desire? Let us know in the comments section below!
Here’s to being empowered mama.
With so much love,
Week 2 of my 3 part series for overcoming the 3 common blockages to having an empowering birth experience is about how to transform birth fears.
For more reasons than I can list, women are afraid of birth.
To break it down, I’ll bet you fall into one of two categories:
1) You’re afraid of the pain
or 2) You’re afraid something will go wrong
Legit fears. Totally understand.
Whether we’ve experienced a loss, a trauma, or pain in the past, or the weight of social conditioning has shaped your beliefs, most of us are afraid of birth.
So what do we do?
Well, if you’re totally old-school, you could go the counseling/therapy route. And sometimes, this might be needed for extreme experiences of trauma and loss.
But, since I’m all about helping you reconnect with your own inner recourses, I’ll let you in on a method and practice that’s worked for me. And the best thing? It’s FREE! And, you can do it on your own time.
It’s called the “I Wonder” Game!
Have you ever been in a negative situation and couldn’t pull yourself out of your negative mindset? Or have you been so afraid to go “there” that you backed down and didn’t when you really wanted to?
Ok, so you know what I’m talking about.
Well, the same sort of stuff happens when we give birth. How you do one thing is a lot like how you do everything.
How you are living now is how you’ll give birth.
This game/method isn’t about facing your fears or even about getting over them. A lot of that is destination-driven. We’re interested in the journey.
So, instead of getting over and/or facing fears, we’re going to look at any fears we have around birth as something we can TRANSFORM.
When we transform birth fears instead of trying to get rid of them, it seems a lot easier and takes the load off. It also acknowledges the fact that our minds are truly a beautiful, well functioning resource, not something we must “overcome” or get in control of.
By playing the “I Wonder” game, we’re actually taking our fears and transforming them into empowering thoughts instead.
By having more empowering thoughts, we’re actually attracting empowering circumstances into our existence. So really, it’s not about getting over your birth fears, but about using them for your benefit.
The game works best if you write the questions and answers down. You can easily copy and paste them from here into a new document.
What you’ll notice when you start playing this game is that you’ll start to feel some space open up inside of you. This is the space you’ll need to create in order to call in a more positive thought or situation.
There’s 2 parts to the game. First, you need to determine if you’re willing to transform the fear. Sometimes, you’re not ready and that’s ok. After all, fears are simply a way that your nervous system created to keep you safe. To determine if you’re ready, ask yourself the following questions:
What is my greatest fear around my birth experience?
How has this fear affected my pregnancy and birth experience so far?
Have I benefited from this fear?
Am I ready for a different experience?
What sort of birth experience do I want to create?
What can I do now to change this?
You might be surprised to find how good it makes you feel to simply become aware of your fear and call it out. If you’re ready to move past it, you’re ready to start the “I Wonder” Game!
The second part is to start asking yourself these empowering “I Wonder” questions every time you catch your brain thinking about your fear.
Each time you catch yourself, ask the following questions:
I wonder who I would be if I could drop this fear.
I wonder what sort of experience I could have/receive if I could let this go.
I wonder how supported I would be if I could unhook from this fear.
I wonder what I could feel if I let go of this fear.
I wonder how my baby would be affected if I brought him/her into the world in joy instead of fear.
I wonder what sort of lasting impact my letting go of this fear could have for the good of all.
These “I wonder” questions are only a start. You can totally add more to this list. The game here is to simply catch every time you start thinking about your fear and instead of letting it get the best of you, start asking the “I Wonder” questions instead.
Go ahead and give it a try and let me know in the comments section below what you felt opening up for you.
Did you feel yourself opening to more possibilities?
Were you able to let go of the fear after asking the I Wonder questions?
Did you feel more empowered after asking the I Wonder questions?
Let us know below!
If this sort of practice intrigues you and you’re interested in more and going deeper, be sure to sign up for email updates here about my upcoming Empowered Birth Online Class. Plus, you’ll get a copy of my free ebook Bringing Back Empowered Birth: Reclaim Your Feminine Power in Childbirth. My gift to you for having the courage and heart to do what it takes to have an empowering birth experience.
With so much love,
p.s. To catch Week 1 of the 3-part series on overcoming the 3 common blockages to having an empowering birth experience, click here. All about how to feel like a birth goddess! To get notified for Week 3, sign up here.
Do you feel like a birth goddess?
Most women giving birth these days don’t.
In today’s society we have unrealistic expectations of weight gain during pregnancy, massive amounts of fear around labor and birth, and lack of support and judgment from family and friends for birth plans that aren’t the norm.
All this makes feeling like a birth goddess super difficult since most of us don’t have access to practices to keep us feeling adored, feminine, sacred, wild, connected, and celebrated while pregnant.
Women didn’t always experience the kind of disempowerment and dissociation from our bodies that we do during pregnancy and birth.
Although the disempowerment and dissociation have been going on for quite some time, we can look back to some of the ancient cultures to learn what they did to feel empowered, connected, and celebrated.
In my previous blog, I told you about 3 common blockages to having an empowering birth experience. For the next 2 weeks, I’ll be going more in depth into each of those blockages and how you can get past and heal them.
The first blockage is that women in our culture are disconnected from their bodies.
We end up giving birth in positions that don’t support us and we’re never quite sure what to do in the moment because we can’t connect to anything that feels good or “right”.
And often, there’s the inferior factor involved that keeps women plastered to those hospital beds.
This is not what an empowered birth goddess experiences during labor and birth.
There’s a way to reconnect while you’re pregnant that can help you regain awareness of your pelvic space and inner root voice.
There’s a way that you can get past the feeling of inferiority toward your medical provider.
There’s a way that you can be so connected, in tune and turned on to what’s going on inside of your body that anything outside becomes nothing more than a distraction.
In this space, you become the expert of your own body and baby. You know what to do and you WILL do it unapologetically.
Now, that’s the kind of birth that a women in touch with her inner birth goddess experiences.
There’s no attachment to an outcome, there’s no choke holding your birth plan. This is the space where you allow and receive according to your own inner wisdom and guidance.
Cause, the truth is, only you can really know what’s best for you and your baby.
So, you’re probably on pins and needles screaming c’mon Lacey, just tell me what to do to be like THAT!
Well, getting in touch with your inner birth goddess starts with Embodiment practices.
An embodiment practice is simply practicing being who you want to be.
When you embody being a birth goddess, you:
- FEEL good in your body
- Know how to receive, not just give
- Are clear about your desires for your birth
- Unapologetically ask for what you want
- Honor the urges of your body during labor, and
- Feel safe, grounded and supported while pregnant and giving birth
When you make a habit of embodying your inner birth goddess, you WILL consider your birth empowering regardless of how it happens.
One specific embodiment practice that you’re already familiar with is Dance.
DANCE BABY DANCE!
Dancing is the easiest, most natural way to get out of your head and into your body.
Dancing reconnects you to what you’re feeling. What is your body asking for? What does your body need from you? Does it need to move a certain way? Does it need nourishment? Does it need to speak up?
Dancing is such an easy way for you to get in touch with your root voice and desire.
Did you know that belly dancing was actually a way for women to teach other women how to give birth?
Yeah, it wasn’t for men. It was for getting babies out. Crazy huh?
Even the ancient cultures recognized that movement was important in birthing. If labor stalled, forget a bed. The midwives would tell you to get up and move!
Your body holds an incredible amount of wisdom that goes completely untapped in most women’s lives. It’s my goal for every mother-baby to reconnect with the inherent wisdom in her body before giving birth.
It just so happens that I’m 2 feet deep in getting out to you my new empowered birth online class. In it, I’ve devoted an entire module to teaching you several embodiment practices to reconnect you with your body and your divine feminine essence.
The whole class is designed to teach you what it takes to feel empowered through this most sacred event of pregnancy and birth. In short, and in the bigger scheme of things, it teaches you how to reclaim your feminine power not only in childbirth, but for your entire life.
This isn’t your traditional, generic childbirth class where they teach you about how birth happens, what to expect, how to choose a birth team and write a birth plan.
You are SO PAST THAT!
I know that you already know those things. And if you don’t, I know you’re the kind of women that will read up on it yourself.
You want something more, and I’m hell bound and determined to get it to you sometime in the first quarter of 2016.
Until then, I’m completely enthralled over Stephanie Larson’s Dancing for Birth. I want you to check it out and start an embodiment practice today. Do yourself a favor and go buy a dancing for birth dvd to get started.
Don’t forget to download my free eBook Bringing Back Empowered Birth: Reclaim Your Feminine Power in Childbirth. You’ll also get notified as soon as a new post is up and receive updates on the empowered birth online class registration opening. So, sign up here!
With so much love,